Thursday, August 11, 2011

Miami Heat, Philadelphia Eagles, and....Bellevue Bullies??

Matthew Lankford: "We are a dream team."

"I am going to take my talents to West Nashville.  In the fall of 2011, NAIHL season, I will be playing for the Bellevue Beasts...."

"Ok I can't even say it with a straight face.  Definitely not going there.  But I will be playing in Bellevue for the Bellevue Bullies."

Those words from Sean Hudson could completely change the face of the NAIHL.  Just hours after getting word that the Columbia Redhawks would be missing the season for undisclosed reasons, the Bellevue Bullies, lead by NAIHL head man Matthew Lankford, announced they had signed coveted free agent Sean Hudson in a message by Sean via YouTube ala "The Decision".  With a top team now out of the picture, can this move take them closer to the top?

This is the 3rd big signing of the offseason by the Bullies who were also able to snag Jon Bellucci and Twitter favorite Eric Shuff.  

"I don't wanna steal a line straight from Vince Young, but we are a dream team."

A dream team?  Not so fast.  

Eric Shuff looks to bring fireworks to Bellevue (finally)

Let's not forget that this team was 2-8 last year.  A lot of the same players are still in place.  Sure, the new additions give you a lot more speed and skill, but how much better can this team be?  Goaltending is always a question cause its the NAIHL.  This team also benefited from lack of disciplinary action last year as captain Matthew Lankford is also head of the NAIHL competition committee.  

"I think each one of these guys will add one win a piece.  5-5.  That's their record this year.  If I was in goal, 9-1." said future Hall of Famer  turned NAIHL Analyst Evan MacQuarrie.

Similar to the NBA's Miami Heat, the Bullies will be having a pep ralley at the Hardees in Bellevue this Saturday from 7-9 pm to celebrate not having won anything.  Lankford, Bellucci, Shuff, and Hudson ("The Fantastic 4") will be in attendance revealing the new jerseys and probably coming up out of the floor to make a grand appearance in front of the fountain drinks.

A deleted scene from Hudson's "Decision" video caught him with a bold prediction for the upcoming season(s) regarding winning the Founder's Cup.

"Not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, not 7......."

Other NAIHL news and notes:

-Sign ups are Sunday, August 28th in Lavergne at 6 pm
-The Columbia Redhawks, as mentioned above, are on hiatus as revealed by Adam Crick via. Facebook.
-The Holy Rollers have released Dennis Ciorciari
-The Tusken Raiders signed Joe King and Bryan Neal to 1 year entry level contracts

Thursday, July 14, 2011

NAIHL Fall '11 Preview - 10 Burning Questions

Can Keith Brodeur shake his reputation as the NAIHL's Marian Hossa?

10 Burning Questions
With the NAIHL Fall season for 2011 just around the corner, we analyze a few key issues for the upcoming season:

1.)  Who will be in net for the Care Bears?
This seems to be about the hottest issue of the offseason.  The NAIHL's top rated goaltender and Justin Beiber look alike, Evan MacQuarrie is hanging up his skates, blocker, and mediocre glove hand to head off to school.  So who will be in net for the Care Bears this fall?  They saw some good time in net out of star forward and Play it Again Sports sales rep Trevor Patterson, but can they afford to lose his speed up front?  Could the dark horse candidate be the teams other Canadian player?  Shut down defenseman Matt Rivard says maybe.  "Sean played with a broken foot for a good portion of last year and I think he bought some goalie pads or something.  Maybe he can play."

2.)  Will breakout star, league leading goal scorer, and NAIHL Rookie of the Year Zach Whitmer return this year to the Tusken Raiders?
The rumors have been circling around this one since the Raiders lost a heartbreaker in the first round of the playoffs against the Redhawks in the spring.  NAIHL insiders witnessed star forward/defenseman Zach Whitmer being courted by many other teams right after the loss.  But work commitments could force him to miss this entire season regardless of what team he is on.  This could be a huge loss to the Raiders who have already lost forward and referee favorite Brett Dutton and struggle to keep enforcer Ian "Ginger Chara" Amsler in the lineup due to his military commitments.   But Whitmer tells the Raider Nation not to worry.  "If I am able to get Sunday's off work and come back, you can bet I will be wearing a Las Vegas gold jersey.  I couldn't do that to my team mates.  Or Brent Thompson."

3.)  Can Keith Brodeur lead a team to the Founder's Cup?
2 seasons ago Keith Brodeur helped lead the Columbia Redhawks all the way to the Founder's Cup Final to lose to the now Care Bears.  He then joined the Care Bears and came up short again this last year.  Sound familiar Marian Hossa?  Logic says he could join the defending champion WTF but not so fast.  "My agent checked in with them to see if they were interested but they said I was too tall for their team." said Keith, looking puzzled.

4.)  Is realignment upon us?
"I'd really like to see more even divisions this year.  We've discussed putting the good teams in their own division and the shitty teams in their own so it is more competitive.  Nothing is set in stone yet.  But the Hellfish and Beasts would for certain be in the shitty division." said commissioner Matthew Lankford.  Also, rumored turmoil in the Tusken Raider camp between player/captain/coach/manager Brent Thompson, who spent all of last season on the disabled list with a booboo on his shoulder, and power forward and alternate captain Zach Bohannon.  Sources say Bohannon could be on his way out to form an expansion franchise shaking up alignment.  When asked about this, Thompson had this to say: "I don't wanna point out who the one player is I am having issues with, but I'll just say this team doesn't need any Texans, fat dudes, or straight people on it.  I think you can use your powers of deduction to figure out who I am talking about here.  By the way, the Preds new logo sucks."

5.)  Will the Bison compete?
Unfortunately, none of the Lipscomb Bison players showed up for their media session, so we will have to get back to you with analysis.

6.)  With the Predators in his rearview mirror, will Eric Shuff show up to play?
"I should be joining a team but we will just have to wait and see what shakes out. #ireallymissmyfreepredatorsticketsalready" commented Shuff via Twitter.

Sprint's most terrifying employee

7.)  How will the Beasts replace Jason Blank?
"Who the fuck is Jason Blank?" questioned captatin Jim Bellizzi.  "We did lose the Predators flag boy.  Him?"

8.)  Will there be a NAIHL All-Star Game?
Sources close to the situation say that Commissioner Lankford has a proposal in place to present to league owners at the summer meetings that will lay out details for an all-star game at seasons end.  "I don't really know how I will play in this game and ref it, but we will figure that out in the proposal." said Lankford.

9.)  Can the Redhawks get over the hump and beat the Care Bears in the playoffs?
It might be time to for the Redhawks to rebuild and move one of the Torango brothers out if they can't get past the Care Bears this year.  There could be many suitors in line for either one of them.  Consistent goaltending and another piece or two could get them past the Care Bears.

10.)  Will Wu Tang Financial repeat as champions?